Life must go on
by Arianka
Summary: Short story about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan after Tahl's death


Hi! It's my first story to Jedi Apprentice. I wrote it in polish first then I decided to translate it.

**Geri K,** thank you for your help.

Disclaimer - all characters belong to George Lucas.

**"Life must go on"**

The corridors closed in on him, too close. He had always thought that the Temple was a spacious building, now, he felt like he couldn't breathe there. He needed space, where he could breathe and calm down. How many sleepless nights had he spent outside? How many times had he gone out in the evening and come back to his quarters in the morning? He had asked these questions himself, knowing that there will be no answer. Qui-Gon Jinn was walking aimlessly. He lost his purpose when Tahl died. His life was senseless. He didn't realize that he was cutting off the rest of the world. Or maybe he was doing it knowingly? He avoided greeting other Jedi in the corridors. He was cutting off conversations before they had a chance to begin. He was running away from people. He wanted to be alone with his pain. His heart was breaking, and although he knew Jedi shouldn't love; he did anyway. He just wanted his Tahl back. He began to understand why love was forbidden in Jedi Order. He missed her everyday. He didn't wish this pain to anyone but he couldn't imagine life without this small piece of love. Love is more than friendship, and he missed her embrace. Even if it means he'll suffer now she's dead.

Qui-Gon went outside. The Temple gardens were dark, but it wasn't a problem for someone, who had lived here all his life. He was walking, not caring where. Memories were coming back. Here he had been doing his homework with Tahl, he remembered, passing an old tree. There they had met many times, when they had been in the Temple at the same time. Memories of the fun they had. Fragments of conversations; jokes and games they played.

He was lost in thought and he hadn't heard silent steps behind him. He jumped, surprised, when he suddenly felt somebody's hand on his shoulder. He turned and stood face to face with his apprentice, Obi-Wan.

"You came here again, Master" said the boy quietly. Qui-Gon cursed his own stupidity not sensing his padawan. He should have sensed himlong time ago. Now it was too late to go away and avoid confrontation. Talking with Obi-Wan was the last thing he wanted to do. Qui-Gon didn't answer, hoping, that Obi-Wan would understand and go away. He miscalculated. His apprentice seemed to be determined.

"Is something wrong, my Padawan?" he asked finally in polite tone, trying to turn boy's attention away from him. It was after midnight so his question was justified. Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, thinking about his answer.

"I worry about you" he said finally. Qui-Gon sensed sincerity and care in his voice. "I sense your pain and I want to help you, but I don't know how."

Qui-Gon didn't answer. What could he say? That there is no need to worry? He could sense Obi-Wan's anxiety and he knew, that such answer wouldn't satisfy him. Before he could think about some sensible answer, Obi-Wan spoke again:

"You don't want to talk, okay, I understand. But please, don't avoid me. Allow me to be with you." This time Qui-Gon sensed concern in his voice. He stopped staring at the ground and looked in Obi-Wans' eyes. He expected to see disapproval. The last two months they had spent it the Temple. Qui-Gon hadn't paid much attention to his apprentice. He knew it wasn't fair, but he couldn't help it.

Nevertheles, there wasn't reproach or complaint in boys' eyes. Even at his young age Obi-Wan understood that it was hard for Qui-Gon and he had given him time to think.

"You cannot help me, Padawan" said Qui-Gon. His words were sharp even if he didn't want them to be. Obi-Wan became sad. "Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, but I have to manage it myself."

"Please, let me try" pleaded Obi-Wan. He didn't mention that he had tried unsuccessfully for the last two months. Qui-Gon looked at him. Obi-Wan was stubborn, but he rarely opposed his Master. However this time he wasn't going to give up. Finally the elder Jedi nodded. He knew that if he sent Obi-Wan to their quarters now, the boy would just return. That's why he agreed. Maybe Obi-Wan was right?

The silent was awkward. Not knowing what to do Qui-Gon started to walk slowly. Obi-Wan followed. They passed secluded places made for Jedi who need peace. Finally Obi-Wan turned into one of many passageways. Making sure, that Qui-Gon was following, Obi-Wan headed to the room of thousand fountains. When they arrived, the boy invited Qui-Gon to sit on the bank. He sat down too.

"I know that I'm not the right person to tell you this, Master" he began uncertainly. The elder Jedi looked at him, intrigued. "You may think I'm too young to understand you. But let me tell you something." He stopped for a moment. When he saw that Qui-Gon wasn't going to interrupt, he continued. "I know how it is to lose a friend. And I also know that what I felt after Cerasi's death can't be tantamount with your loss. I knew her for a short time; you knew Tahl all your life. Nevertheless, when I was lost, someone told me life must go on.

Cerasi wouldn't want you to cry" Obi-Wan went silent, suddenly afraid of his own boldness. He looked at his Master waiting for a reprimand, but Qui-Gon was silent. Although it was dark Obi-Wan sensed that his words had made impression on the elder Jedi. He dared to speak:

"I think Tahl would want you to go on." Qui-Gon was silent, repeating Obi-Wans' words in his mind. Life must go on. He didn't know what had influenced him more. Wisdom reached in this short sentence or the person, who had spoken them, and his young age. For the first time after coming back to the Temple he felt, that he was at home. Yes Tahl, life must go on. The memory about another person doesn't have to be painful; he remembered words he had read long time ago. He smiled softly and said quietly:

"She promised me that she'll wait for me." Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan. The boy was sitting immobile, staring at the fountain. When he had heard his Master, he looked at him. It was long time since he had heard this soft tone in Qui-Gon's voice, since he had seen him smiling. "So life must go on and someday I'll join her."

The end

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